Five Minute Friday: Joy

My slightly creepy JOY face.

Joy scares me.  What if I am fundamentally incapable of not feeling joy?  I've always had one reason or another to not have joy: young kids, a stressful job, a husband with a stressful job, responsibilities.  Blah, blah blah.

I am approaching a new day in my life.  One week from today will be my last day at work.  Forever?  Probably not.  But definitely, for now.

There are so many things that I want to do with my life, so many directions it could go.  I am excited for sure, but do I have joy about it?

A couple weeks ago my pastor preached on joy, saying it was one of the hardest sermons he's ever delivered.  I get it.  We all think we should have joy.  We all want others to think we have joy.  But I am going to be transparent and say when my heart is hurting, and life is all confused, it's ok for the joy to feel a little less.  Because in that way when we do recognize the joy again, it will feel so much stronger.

So back to my last day at work.  Writing for these few minutes have given me more joy than the last 14 years in mortgage lending.  I know that whatever comes from these changes I'm going through that I am making the decision to do what my family needs.  And so, yes, I guess there is joy in that.