Envy

It feels like I'm going through a phase in my life where God is calling me to do scary things. Recently I've been presented with situations that will grow my faith. I know that our lives are filled with opportunities to grow our faith, but there's something going on right now that I'm excited about. That's how, today, I did something scary.

On Sunday mornings my pastor has been preaching out of 1 Corinthians. This is a familiar passage and a well loved passage by many believers.  Can I confess to you that it's never moved me in the way it moves some people? I feel terrible writing those words.  I believe this chapter, and I try to live out this chapter, but it would not land on my list of top 10 favorite passages.

The focus today was verse 4: "Love... does not envy." My pastor said that he didn't recall ever preaching on envy, and I wondered if I had ever heard a sermon on envy. It's not a very glamorous sin, and it can be hidden so easily. That's why it's so sneaky. The one thing he said that would not leave my mind was that if love does not envy, "you cannot love someone and envy them at the same time."  I knew immediately what God was asking me to do. I had to apologize to a friend for the feelings I've had, so I gathered up all my nerve... and sent her a text. (Hey, it's the world we live in!)

Her response was more gracious than I could have imagined, "I sensed you were struggling with something, and something was off, but didn't really know what to do about it... Thank you for being so brave and sensitive to the Lord in sending that text. I know it's not easy." This friend gets me, and it's one of the reasons I love her so much.

You know what happened next? Life continued. She texted me like she normally would, and I texted back like I normally would, but there was one thing different.  I had not let sin come between us.

I thank God for the opportunity to receive forgiveness, and I pray that I am equally as generous when someone asks me to forgive them.